you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nutella sex= disaster
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
