The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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