Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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