How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
