Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
