You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
