fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
