There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
