the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
as a side note pls kill me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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