How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
