he thought i was a dude.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
