I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
