I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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