Please, let me fuck your mom
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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