Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
