they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
