Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
