..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
