dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
