The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
