dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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