Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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