i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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