He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
