I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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