you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
