You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
