My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
