i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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