well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
