There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
