Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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