was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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