She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
