I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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