So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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