I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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