Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
