I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
