My liver just broke up with me...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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