Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
