He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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