so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
