Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
