The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize