Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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