i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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