Don't you send me to vm
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
