im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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