After last night, I could never be a politician.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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