Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm passing your future prison.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
