Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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