Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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