Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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