Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.