she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?