Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts