I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!