so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?