I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.