This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.