Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
