I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this boner is exhausting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
