i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
