R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
