I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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