their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
how drunk are you?
Several
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
