I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
